This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know

I kinda forgot I made a post about this a month ago, seemed so distant but I recall it clearly now - the formatting was bad (I blame Chrome), and I just really wanted to remember something about it.

There's no way I can sleep tonight (day, actually), because I'm supposed to go out with some friends for the whole way, and my fucked up sleep schedule has no flexibility, and I am no longer built for hours and hours without sleep. Solution? Hours and hours without sleep until it's night time, and zzzz until morning. x)

For the last few months my life has been as stagnant as ever - working emptily for just want I need, and doing nothing else except playing games and talking to people... When I say people, I usually meant guys, since a lot of the times I don't feel like I have much female friends. And if you knew me long enough, I really have non-stop boy drama.

I am really really really tired of all these boys come and go in my life. Can't one just stay? This time it's a nice one and I don't know what to do. :(

Now I understand why parents say their children are too young to fall in love - when you need to be realistic, I am really not old enough for a really stable - not when I already have responsibilities and stopped being an adult child.

I have moved on about Will - there's nothing I can do when he's in England and I'm stuck in Malaysia, and when the option acceptable option is that I move to England. Which is semi-ridiculous. And I know deep down that it will not work, no matter how much comfort we have as friends, as lovers, we just won't work. I've known him for 3 summers, and I still don't fully understand why he said somethings sometimes. I am too sentimental for him, I'm not tough enough, and I don't think we can live with each other for very long.

It just won't work.

Yep, that's it, Will is to be done with. I'm not even motivated to talk to him anymore. I used to feel really unnatural if I don't talk to him daily. For a person you talk to everyday (more than 3 hours, I think) for at least a year, it feels pretty strange that I could just stop caring as much. It's really surreal, but, people come and go. Will will always be my most special friend, and I hope I am too. It's no more, I can accept that now. I love him, but everything changed, and it wont be the same.

I was so happy. =/

I run from anything that I should face, most of my friends study, and only a few exceptions that choose the path that you just have got to stop slacking and start man-ing up.

I am clueless, but knowing myself, I'll just let it flow.

I am happy lately though, quite happy. If not very. :) Nice guys for a change, is very nice.

Oh and then there's this rage kid who's not even worth mentioning, I hope he lives in peace.

Me and my tears dry.

I Am Not Cruel

More than half a year I've been on here.

Nothing happened, but everything happened.

I don't get the things I want.

I do get the things I don't want.

Sometimes I do think I have a weakness for interesting people. They draw me in like a magnet and compared to children and whiners, they're a breath of fresh air to me.

Maybe my alignment was 'Boring', hence my weakness is 'Interesting'.

There's so many things I couldn't make myself do out of mortality and worry.

It becomes weary.

This is why you shouldn't go looking for interesting people on the internet.

You get lost.

Girls and boys in the redlight district.

You can watch us spin around the pole -

Just like a beauty queen.

Selections of Lyrics and Quotes

Is this the real life?
Is this the fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality.
~Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen

Savage world in which you live
Suddenly, dark sky chasing me.

You know your God is watching you
Floating from the sky and calling you
Just a little while I want to be with you
Wipe away all of my tears, for you

I know my god is taking you
Save me from the dark. I'm losing you
All I want to say is loving you
Wiping away all of your tears, for you

Fallen angel kissed me, Holding my last breath.
Fallen angel cried for me.
~u, Anna Tsuchiya

Baby　この世界は
昨日とは違う
あなたのことしか見えない
Baby my wish on a wing
この空を裂いて
あふれる一つの言葉で

Baby　もう未来も
約束もいらない
あなたがそこにいるだけで
Baby my wish on a wing
この声を翔ばせ
ふるえる星を突き抜けて
~Wish, OLIVIA

君のことをいつも歌いたい
悲しい夜を温もりで満たして
愛を見つけて

~storia, Kalafina

Turn right

Life is sweet.
Life is great.
I'm happy.

I have nothing much to say lately except that it is finally going up hill... Finally. Last time it goes this way was end of 2008. Permit me to say "good times."
Although I have been sick for more than a week. Can't really get well if you don't go to the doctor.

For once in a long time I've finally made a decision what I want with my life... But I'll have to keep it a secret for now, hehe.

Job-hunting continues, there's a few hopefuls. I just wish I can get one.

BREAK DOWN THE WALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Bye bye.

Random update?

I absolutely regret reading logs between us. But wherever that regret came from, it's because I have so much to gain and still so much to lose. I'm not sure about you anymore.

I don't blog anymore. I don't write out my feelings as much as I did anymore. I want to tell myself it is because I don't like people stalking me and looking straight into my mind. But the truth is that I'm just a bit lazy.

Yes I do like attention. Yes I do want people to understand what I feel. Yes I do care about what people think of me. I had this blog for a very sentimental reason - I want to be able to connect with my friends who doesn't have me on my LJ. I want to secretly lurk behind the shadows and know they're alright, without appealing so.

My arrogance and insecurity has pushed people out of my comfort zone. I don't really like that. I don't like the feeling of feeling superior. I don't like being mean. I don't like emotional violence.

I like chaos, I like a bit of rebel, I like a bit of colour. I like to follow my own rules, in my own world, tradition, and space. I always act out of self-interest, instead of for everyone else. I would go far beyond sanity just to see things in a differently order.

I would intentionally rebel just because I don't like the idea of leadership or for the sake of rebel for disrupting. I would pretend I do not care or tell lies to justify all my actions.

This is me, and I can't change it, and don't you change it.

But I miss my friends, and I miss you.

I'm sorry that you never stood by my side, because you would be the luckiest person if you had me.

I will never understand why I didn't do a lot of things when I could. Probably 2 years later from now, 10 years later from no.

But I understand one thing. I understand I will not change the way people make me. I will only change because I understand I won't.

Acceptance is by far your best friend and if you open your heart, there is where your treasure will lie.

(Please don't try to think what I wrote, it has no meaning. :P)

By the way.......... ECLIPSE SUCKS.